Just do YOU, don’t conform!

It’s time for a little frock talk.

One thing I am a master at, is frocking up.  I am a full blown Frock-aholic!

For clarity sake, frocks can be fabulous and funky or they can be ill-serving.

Over the next few weeks we will be sharing information about the many ill-serving frocks that can plague our lives.

We begin with the most common of all the ill-serving frocks.

The Frock of Conformity.

Psychology today says: “Conformity is the tendency to align your attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors with those around you.  It’s a powerful force that can take the form of overt social pressure or subtler unconscious influence.  As much as we like to think of ourselves as individuals, the fact is that we’re driven to fit in, and that usually means going with the flow.”

Therefore the frock of conformity is VERY powerful!   I am not saying all conformity is bad, fore there are times we must and should conform.

The Good

Conforming has it’s place in society.  Driving and following the rules of the road is at the core conforming. As a society we require a certain amount of  conformity, so that we are not in a constant state of chaos.   Driving requires conformity.  I respect and am grateful for this type of conformity.  Conformity to these rules allow me to be confident everyone else will be following the same ones.  I like knowing that when the traffic light changes to red we will stop and wait our turn.  There is great comfort in knowing, that the majority of the time, the roads are safe because we conform to the driving rules.  The same can be said of being polite and courteous.  Which is why when the person ahead of us lets go the of the door knowing full well we are right behind them we may feel slighted.  We have been taught to treat others as we want to be treated and so therefore when we are not treated with respect we may be taken aback.

At times we must conform – but why do we conform when there is no real need?  Take for instance, you are told you must attend a function, or host the family dinner or or… the list goes on.   Even though there is no real cause and effect consequence at stake you say yes,  when inside you are screaming: NO, NO, NO!  You may even envision yourself pulling your hair out.

Yet there you stand, saying yes.

Hmm..really, why is that?  Perhaps I am the only person who has ever done that… I think not.

So why do we conform, because it’s safe; there is no risk of repercussion if you say yes.  But in fact, there is a risk for you, the affect of saying yes can undermine your confidence and even ability to commit to things you really want to do.  Ultimately, you pay a price.  Every decision has a cost.

Over the years I had to conform primarily for safety reasons; I share this in my memoir Frock Off: Living Undisguised.  http://www.frock-off.com/.   There were also many times I didn’t have to conform and yet I did.  At times it was because I wore the Frock of Martyrdom ( but that is a frock for another day) or because I felt it was easier to say yes and conform than say no and risk offending someone.  This impacted myself esteem and caused resentment.  Neither of which were the desired outcomes I was hoping for.

At times, I may have underestimate the repercussions of conforming or even downplayed the situation telling myself,  it’s no big deal.  But make no mistake, conforming when not necessary left me feeling empty, isolated and worse resentful.

Throughout history there have been even worse outcomes when people chose to conform in spite of  everything indicating it was wrong.  In the very ugliest of cases when society as a whole conforms lives are destroyed or worse taken.  Take for example the holocaust.  The philosopher Hannah Arendt  who famously argued that the atrocities of the Holocaust were not caused by psychopaths but by ordinary people placed under extraordinary pressure to conform.

Yes I know this is deep, but aren’t you worth it?  Aren’t you worth going deep?  Of course you are.

We always have a choice and free will and therefore we must listen to that little voice or that feeling you get when you know this is not the right thing for you.

We must chart our course to stand for things we believe in.   Sometimes that means standing for YOU!  Don’t sacrifice your needs and desires by conforming to others requests of you.

You are enough, you are by design and can be the change in the world.  If change is in your future, we have upcoming workshops in March.  Contact us at jodibblee@frock-off.com for further details.

Love this song and video have a listen.

Always Just do YOU!