Sometimes ego gets in the way. Such as when we know the right thing to do and say, but are unwilling to do so because of ego. This isn’t about conforming so that we don’t rock the boat; rather, this is about taking a stand and standing for what you believe, in-spite of what others will say, think or do. When I wrote Frock off Living Undisguised, I did so knowing that some would not agree with what I was saying and sharing.
Some suggested I stop this silly nonsense. Some questioned why I would bring up such bad memories, as if by not writing about them made them any less bad. I knew I might even alienate some. After all, the story has some really dark moments, some things other preferred I not share. My goal was not to re-hash the past but rather take the gems of learning and share them with others.
There is power in knowledge and sharing – if done so in a loving and respectful way can and does serve.
I have always loved Maya Angelo’s quote… “When we know better we do better.”
So rather than be swayed by others opinions or even my own ego, I decided to write my WHY. After that, I used a compass as my guide. I wrote up four objectives to achieving my WHY. These four objectives created clarity in times of discourse and frustration. I had no desire or need to fill the book with superfluous stories that had no connection to the overall message, rather my objectives were clear if it did not meet the objectives it was not needed.
1.TRUE: Was it truthful, without embellishment or further subjective feelings I have now many years later
2. HELPFUL: Was it helpful, did it add value to the message
3.SERVICE: Would it serve the readers in removing their own frocks
4. HONOR: This was my True North, my guiding principle. My purpose in the dedication to Little Susan was to honor her memory. I did not want to cause any further pain to Susan’s family, they had already endured so much trauma. My goal was to ensure Susan had a voice alongside mine.
Often when I spoke to my amazing editor Jen Violi (a true gift), if questioned about the importance of a particular passage I would say, if it doesn’t serve – slash it. I wasn’t married to anything I wrote as long as it was truthful, added value to the message, would serve the reader and would honor Susan’s and my voice. This made things very simple and with Jen’s guidance and tough love at times we created something that is creating a grassroots movement towards change.
I knew early on my ego had no place in the true purpose of Frock Off: Living Undisguised. Ego often gets in the way of great accomplishments because instead of staying focused on the WHY we can become focused on ourselves.
Yes, the story is about me and my life, but it is also about how each of us can don frocks from time to time. My intention was to create something lasting and enduring to serve others, to provide hope and inspiration.
My mission or goal was to leave readers knowing – We are not defined by our past, that no matter what, the past does not determine our destiny.
Recently I met Little Susan’s mom in person. To say it was emotional, is an understatement. The following news story shows what can happen when we let go of our ego.
http://globalnews.ca/news/1213956/watch-assault-victim-says-rcmp-dropped-the-ball/
I will cherish the photos of Susan given to me by Darlene, forever.
For years I had wanted to tell Darlene how sorry I was, that I hadn’t screamed louder and told more people. In the past, I had often thought if only I had been more persistent with the police – maybe Susan would be alive. That is ego speaking.
Truth is, I was sixteen and from a dysfunctional family who were well known to the police. I was powerless. I also had been victimized, yet somehow my ego said I should have been able to save Susan.
A few days after meeting Darlene, she told me I had to stop blaming myself for Susan’s death. She said, ” I was the only one who had come forward and remained willing to stand for Susan outside the family”. Those words touched my heart like no others could have.
I refer to ego as the Frock of Significance. I am so glad this one ill-serving frock, I did not don while writing. I would have missed so much and the story would simply have been a story rather than a vessel for change.
Let your life be your message and your voice be strong.
You truly are so powerful.
Until next time, dream and aspire to live a Frock-alicious life!
Jo Dibblee
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I so hope you enjoy this song.
Great Expectations – Not...
