You know that moment when it feels like everything you have been doing has finally come together. That all you’ve done has delivered you to this point of joy – at last it is all coming to fruition. The bliss of knowing to your core you are doing exactly what you are intended to do with your life. Ahh that’s a moment worth savoring! Yeah keep those – the amazing moments that lift you up in the DARKEST hours.
The moments when all the hard work, the sacrifice, the struggles, the sleepless nights pay off. Yep that was the moment I was having on July 14th at 1:05 PM – a moment of Yes, YES I CAN! A major milestone had just been reached!
That day the sun shone brightly as the neighbourhood children played outside, laughing and squealing as they dashed through the sprinklers and played street hockey.
I sat in my office grinning like a Cheshire cat from ear to ear knowing this was a moment to savor – like a piece of delicious sweet milk chocolate. I took in a long deep cleansing breath to slow my (very excited, happy, over the moon) racing heart.
And then – I heard what I thought was my husband screaming in anguish – Oh my God, Oh my God, Nooooo! I looked outside the window but I could see nothing and then I heard what I thought was laughter. I sat back down in my chair and within seconds I heard people screaming my name from inside the house – trying to find me.
I knew in that moment it was not laughter I had been hearing but sounds of anguish. Sadly on Tuesday July 14th Bella (our beautiful puppy) was hit ,by a speeding driver, and suffered fatal internal injuries. We were devastated when the vet said she was sorry there was nothing they could do. It all happened so fast -“life had changed in the blink of an eye.”
We came home numb and in shock – the void in our lives was immediate. That void is slowly being filled with happy memories each day.
July 15th – Michael and I went to a specialist appointment. I was hoping is was routine but it was anything but routine. The specialist informed us that Michael had prostate cancer. He went on to outline what steps needed to be taken IMMEDIATELY! Michael’s PSA levels were high.
July 30th – Michael had his biopsy which confirmed all we feared ( out of 12 markers his was positive in 11) the news was devastating. Some cells were malignant and aggressive mutating more rapidly than others.
August more tests ( bone scans, ultrasounds and more) and more devastating news followed – the cancer had spread outside the prostrate. It felt as though we were drowning in a sea of BAD news. I felt like we were in the perfect storm and there seemed to be no end in sight.
It was determined Michael had a 50% chance of survival if he had immediate surgery to remove his prostrate… this gave us some hope and something to shoot for – we had a goal. The Specialist took charge and before we knew it, it was time to head to the hospital.
September 10 – Was a beautiful sunny day we left the house at 6:30 AM. We were hopeful and united that doing this was the best chance we had. The surgery went smoothly with the exception of things we had been warned about and then began the next wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oct 2 – We found out Michael’s chance of survival had gone from 50% – 95% it looks like they got it all … crazy BIG , dance of joy and room to breathe. And tears – lots of tears of relief. That said, the doctors have cautioned us to (remain optimistic) but realistic at the same time, because his cancer is aggressive and we really won’t know the final out come until Nov. 2nd when they will again do a PSA test… if the number is 0 Michael is in remission – if not WE will fight on all fronts to kick Cancers ASS!
Up until now very few people knew what had been going on. I did what I do best – I compartmentalized as much as I could. I stayed focused on delivering what I had promised to our tribe. Some call them customers or clients I call them tribe members. This blessing allowed me to stay optimistic and at times provided both Michael and I an escape… Michael is very involved with Frock Off inc.
From a do for others perspective… there has been a great deal going on and I am so grateful for that. During this past twelve weeks there has been one live event in AB, 30+ interviews for Frock Talk TV and much more. A special thanks to my friend and partner Dr. Sue Ferreira who has helped me navigate the emotions and the stress while we launched Frock Talk Television.
The rubber definitely met the road and I was glad there was a road!
Colin Sprake ( a speaker and change catalyst) asks a very poignant question often – are you interested or are you committed? He speaks of tenacity and vivid vision and focus.
I am so grateful we had something to pour into to, to work on. When your hearts desires and dreams are serving the load is lighter. To work on my hearts mission – being the change in the world, to help others stand up and step into their lives is a blessing. Without which I would have been consumed by the fear -that at times was so suffocating.
The gamut of fears has been from – oh my god please don’t take him too – to please let it be me not him.
The anger and rage – damn you cancer you have no right so frock the hell off.
July 14th began a domino effect of change. Although my heart aches daily for our little Bella and I so know having her with us during this past three months would have made it easier – sadly she was not and it was out of our control.
Michaels cancer diagnoses was also out of our control. Although it is being dealt with in the best way it can be I wanted only to: fix it, fix him and to keep him safe. Michael is a fighter and I know together we will fight.
My Best Friend!
What I had control of was how I reacted and how I moved forward.
Lessons I have been reminded of yet again…
1. Life is short and fleeting – DAMN straight it is! Do something if you’re fence sitting – get the hell UP!
2. Life is NOT a dress rehearsal – true! But as human beings we get complacent at times. BIG mistake!
3. Life can and will change. On a dime or in a heartbeat – don’t wait. If it’s in your heart -do it before you can’t!
The reason these clichés exist is because they are TRUE! They are all are true!
So say it, do it and live it like you mean it!
I have an ask … please lift Michael up to your higher power, to source to whatever you believe in and may I ask you send love and light to him. He is my best friend and I can’t imagine my life without him.
Oct. 30th Michael will go for another PSA test and the only number we want is a big fat goose egg, a zero. We will know the results Nov 2nd when we meet with his doctor.
To our children – each of you lifted us. We became the taken care of. You held us up and let us just be in the moment when needed. We are so blessed to call you sons and daughters!
To our friends near and dear we lived this quote with you all! Whether on the phone or in person. Your love and support means so very much!
The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch with, never saying a word, and walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you’ve had. ~Author Unknown
Love Jo and Michael! xoxo
PS. Hey guys… Michael told me to tell you to “go get checked, TODAY!”
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